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Post / Chat whores post here (2026)

Kurosaki said:
hat trick...

There are many people I consider friends I have not met in person who I would never call just acquaintances.

I do have many acquaintances but I have friends close enough to me that I would trust to help me bury a dead body with no questions asked and some of them I've never met in person. Some of them are BARFers. You're not in that group but we've both been around BARF long enough, I know a lot of your life stories and things you want to share with us. And I care about you.

What I do know is sometimes what you're going through doesn't have to be exactly what someone being there for you has gone through. I've attempted suicide many years ago because what I was dealing with didn't seem to have any end, a situation no one could understand because it was so bizarre. I see the scars on my wrists every single day. You know what helped me get through that dark part of my life? Some of it was talking to people who were just acquaintances but cared enough to listen and talk with me.

I was just trying to put out a helping hand feeling empathetic but if you don't want it? Then fine. You don't want any help from barely an acquaintance
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Kkkkkttttttt: Baggage drop from AirKoi


Like I said, much longer conversation.

Having kids made me realize how small a village I had. Self reflection brought to light that the reason for that was mostly who I am as a person. That although I'm lucky to have some amazing acquaintances and honored to work with some exceptional colleagues, my list of actual friends was close to 0 and that was with some far reaching reasoning so it wouldn't be.

I do not like myself currently. Who i am and why I am that way

Being angry and depressed because my "friends" aren't reaching out to me is much easier to handle when you think about the fact that you don't have many friends. The end of the track season also means the end of in person social interaction until next year. The end of gig work means the end of social interaction until the next gig.

Being the edgy teenager was a defense against bullying. The edgy adult is an asshole that people don't invite or include unless they are forced to. Had an outside opinion said to me that I was cancerous to the group. Thinking about it, they were right, but it also got me thinking about how my interactions happen. How few people actually know me outside of places where we are forced together or where they have no choice but to interact. We know the same people, they include those people. They don't include me, why?

If the PW was invite only, would I have been invited? Or invited back? Not after the first taxed beer, for sure not.

There's people here that I love more than my own family and have treated me far better than I deserved. That helped me get to where I am today and encouraged me to do better, for myself and those around my. But if it wasn't for BARF would there be any reason for most to make contact? If I couldn't just log in and post what I wanted, would this even be a conversation? If I didn't come here because I needed interaction with someone who's butthole I haven't wiped, recently, would we even be having this conversation?

My inbox would show the answer.

Yes, it's a 2 way street, and I accept that part of it is me just being busy with SAHD life. But, a 2 way street is just that, 2 way, and if NOBODY travels down the other way and it's just me making the effort, what's that tell you?

I know that it tells me, and I don't like me.

Deedoooo
 
I appreciate the offer, but with where I'm at mentally and what I'm struggling with, I need to work on myself a bit more to be worthy of your time. :2cents
 
Been trying to do more, dad group, child group stuff. Everyone says you'll make new friends when they start doing school or sports or whatever.. Therapist recommended I try stuff before that and see if I can connect.

Both Dad clubs are either bar-centric and there's just something wrong and taking the kids drinking, or absolutely ghost town when it comes to playdates.

The library events are fun but the attitude you get as a dad on his own with twins.

"Oh, is it your visitation day?"

"Oh is Mom busy today?

"Oh look, is dad babysitting you today? Yes he is, yes he is!"

"So brave of you to go out on your own without mom, so brave"

They're at full chaos gremlin stage though so it's hard to take them anywhere you need to monitor. Much easier to just let them free in a fenced area and wander the edge until your needed.

But so many dads are entirely engrossed in their phones that they ignore their own kids let alone other dads at the park.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
If I couldn't just log in and post what I wanted, would this even be a conversation? If I didn't come here because I needed interaction with someone who's butthole I haven't wiped, recently, would we even be having this conversation?

My inbox would show the answer.

Yes, it's a 2 way street, and I accept that part of it is me just being busy with SAHD life. But, a 2 way street is just that, 2 way, and if NOBODY travels down the other way and it's just me making the effort, what's that tell you?
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It doesn’t tell me anything specific. Whatever we think it tells us is really just something we make up.

I’ve never been a social butterfly, but do have a small number of close friends. They rarely initiate contact, but we have great interactions when they happen. As far as I can tell, they like these interactions and the main reason they don’t reach out more is that we’re all busy. Are there things in their lives more important than me? Of course, and that’s as it should be.

As for a BARF inbox, there may be people whose inboxes fill up, but mine has never been one. It has always seemed to me that inboxes get used when the message is meant to be private. On the other hand, the BARF collective has never been shy about letting someone know they aren’t welcome. If that isn’t happening to you, I do think that can tell you something.

I do know that depression is complex and not something a rando on the Internet is going to talk you out of. At the same time, we can offer perspectives. FWIW, it feels to me like you may dislike you more than anyone else does. If there are things you want to change, you get to decide what they are and do it or not on your own schedule.

While I’m not spending much time here these days, it’s good to see you posting.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
Been trying to do more, dad group, child group stuff. Everyone says you'll make new friends when they start doing school or sports or whatever.. Therapist recommended I try stuff before that and see if I can connect.

Both Dad clubs are either bar-centric and there's just something wrong and taking the kids drinking, or absolutely ghost town when it comes to playdates.

The library events are fun but the attitude you get as a dad on his own with twins.

"Oh, is it your visitation day?"

"Oh is Mom busy today?

"Oh look, is dad babysitting you today? Yes he is, yes he is!"

"So brave of you to go out on your own without mom, so brave"

They're at full chaos gremlin stage though so it's hard to take them anywhere you need to monitor. Much easier to just let them free in a fenced area and wander the edge until your needed.

But so many dads are entirely engrossed in their phones that they ignore their own kids let alone other dads at the park.
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That shit always drove me nuts when I'd be out with my kid. No, motherfucker, I'm not babysitting, it's called being a father :x
 
"No, they're my kids all the time" is my usual comeback.

Same with the doctor. They'll ask koitney about daily things and she'll straight up tell them, "I have no idea, ask him, he's the stay at home parent".
 
Here's all I know, I only know me and my struggles and know how difficult it is to interact with others on any kind of social level.

I can feel folks look for an escape as I approach because all I do all day is deal with folks who have some kind of brain disfunction and I am a trap to anyone that mistakenly engages. In 2025 I was hanging on, but life just kept clobbering me. Lacking any kind of continuity in my day to day I cannot seem to complete the simplest of tasks let alone pick up a phone, send a text, write an email to anyone. Yet, when I do force it to happen it is always so wonderful.

I am grateful to those that do reach out (Oakland F4i that's you) because it's like a hand reaching down into a pit helping to lift me out of the pit in which I find myself.

FWIW, this forum, and this thread in particular has been a lifesaver to me. Now, about cheery stuffs. I'm slogging through so much backed up paperwork and looks like I can recover several thousands of $$$ just by picking up the phone tomorrow :)
 
tzrider said:
As for a BARF inbox, there may be people whose inboxes fill up, but mine has never been one. It
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It was the royal inbox. All forms of communication are unused to the point that I've wanted to give up my phone entirely. If it wasn't for my wife and kids and needing to be reachable for them, I see absolutely no point in having one.
 
I struggle with the same thing koi. I think it's really common. Being a stay-at-home dad has to make it worse. For the record, I have always enjoyed hanging out with you and would welcome the opportunity again.
 
ThumperX said:
Here's all I know, I only know me and my struggles and know how difficult it is to interact with others on any kind of social level.

I can feel folks look for an escape as I approach because all I do all day is deal with folks who have some kind of brain disfunction and I am a trap to anyone that mistakenly engages. In 2025 I was hanging on, but life just kept clobbering me. Lacking any kind of continuity in my day to day I cannot seem to complete the simplest of tasks let alone pick up a phone, send a text, write an email to anyone. Yet, when I do force it to happen it is always so wonderful.

I am grateful to those that do reach out (Oakland F4i that's you) because it's like a hand reaching down into a pit helping to lift me out of the pit in which I find myself.

FWIW, this forum, and this thread in particular has been a lifesaver to me. Now, about cheery stuffs. I'm slogging through so much backed up paperwork and looks like I can recover several thousands of $$$ just by picking up the phone tomorrow :)
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G, I feel the same.

Also, the little raccoon thingy you sent me a couple years I panicked yesterday because I'm a wild sleeper and I knocked it off of the other side of my bed on the other pillow where it usually is. Yeah that might sound kinda weird but it means a lot to me.
 
My hiatus from PW wasn't really driven by anything. There was some issues on barf I wasn't a fan of and chose to distance myself vs be a SJW about it.

Then, marriage and kids and :blah

Lurking in here and it just felt... False... To rejoin the conversation.

It was pointed out to me at AFM that I wasn't as active publicly and that my energy was missed in a couple places. I brought that up to a therapist and was basically asked why I didn't return to my old groups just to see if it rekindled that connection even if it was just virtually. It won't help my day to day struggle but it might help my mental load as I deal with it.

So ....
1000016871.gif
 
Kurosaki said:
If you wanna talk to someone not connected to your current issues, the offer is still on the table.

I don't care if I'm just an acquaintance to you.
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Appreciate it.

Like your said, we've been around Barf long enough it feels like we know each other without ever meeting. Would love to change that just based on our interaction over the last 48 hours.

My door is always open and my phone is always on.

Currently still on a high despite talking it about it here. But, winter is coming, and reality is going to hit soon when I'm on my third week without speaking out loud to another human. Two weeks from now when I'm not at the 4theParty.

Your inbox might blow up when I go back into that dark tunnel again. Even with the light at the end it's really dark and really long when you're inside it.
 
i_am_the_koi said:
Appreciate it.

Like your said, we've been around Barf long enough it feels like we know each other without ever meeting. Would love to change that just based on our interaction over the last 48 hours.

My door is always open and my phone is always on.

Currently still on a high despite talking it about it here. But, winter is coming, and reality is going to hit soon when I'm on my third week without speaking out loud to another human. Two weeks from now when I'm not at the 4theParty.

Your inbox might blow up when I go back into that dark tunnel again. Even with the light at the end it's really dark and really long when you're inside it.
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Do what you think you need to do is best for you.

But you don't have to do any of it alone, unless you want to.

I'm being repetitive now and likely projecting from my own previous trauma so I apologize for that. Be easy, brotha.
 
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