I love it when you're frisky.
It's decided, I'm going to go indulge my bowels with the glory that is Epsom salt.
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The epsom salt saga. Or: Why it hurts to sit.
- Thread starter Valgar
- Start date
I love it when you're frisky.
It's decided, I'm going to go indulge my bowels with the glory that is Epsom salt.
Our asses need to compare notes afterwards..
greener
The ass is always greener
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2006
- Location
- San Francisco
- Moto(s)
- 1998 Honda XR400, 2010 Triumph Tiger 1050 SE ABS, Tiger 800
- Name
- Dave
TubGar.gif
Cycle61
What the shit is this...
mrc
hippo threat display
You ought to buy a couple of those steamer trunks. Might come in handy.
12:46 AM update. I was feeling the familiar stomach burble sound and rushed over to the toilet. I sat in the crapper for a good 20 minutes, sat down so long that my left leg fell asleep and my right leg got cramped all while taking the longest dump I have ever had.
Lucky for me I am not Valgar and I did not overdose on this shit, so no explosive shits for me
Anti-Hero
ipso facto
Be careful with the epsom salt, I have no idea if this is factual or not, but if it is you may want to start small and work your way up to a full scale Valgar.
http://curezone.com/cleanse/liver/epsom_salt_and_liver_flush.asp
http://curezone.com/cleanse/liver/epsom_salt_and_liver_flush.asp
A great man once said, “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” another wise if not exceedingly eccentric man said, "He who fights monsters must take care lest he become a monster. When you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes into you."
Two men, born in different eras were right on. I have pushed forth on this epic journey, I write this now with the painful clarity that this experience has bestowed upon me for this is my tale.
Underneath the sink in my bathroom lies a box of epson salt, used 11 months ago to further facilitate the healing of two rather gnarled ingrown toenails and to sooth the aches and pains of being hit by a silver mini van ( Farah and Leila can vouch for such ).
Though fast forward to this evening, I was ecstatic! Giddy like a school girl. Mainly for the fact that I had just read a hilarious thread. I don't know what was going through my mind then, hind sights a painful mistress.
Six tablespoons and a liter of water later, "To easy" I said, having a flashback to bootcamp at Ft Jackson to a bunch of Privates and PFC's chugging water, they were called "Hydration formations" back then. Shotgunned it all down and cringed, "Fuck me! Tastes like shit." I jumped up and down to further speed along the process being the impatient person I am, I required instant gratification.
Yeah, I got that alright.
In twenty minutes I felt the first rumble, I was feeling a little queasy anyway. So I grabbed my book and waddled my way towards the bathroom. I thought this was going to be like any other moment in the library, I'd let loose, get a few pages done. . . wham bam thank you ma'am, maybe log onto BARF and tell Dave he's a lying asshole.
So, fucking, wrong.
It was as if a waterfall had escaped my ass, a torrential downpour of sewage saved up over the years saw the light of day once more. Even through the mind numbing pain I grabbed for the flashlight by my side as curiosity over came the searing burn ( Living in Oakland has taught me to leave a flashlight everywhere, especially in this apartment complex where the fuses have a tendency to blow out every once in awhile. )
I stared into the abyss and it winked at me.
A treasure trove of all my previous glory lay floating within the bowl as they bobbed amongst the other imps that hell graciously bestowed upon me. A Lego man from the second grade I ate on a dare, a partially digested doggie treat from when I was six, the remnants of Balut and finally the last pieces of a Snickers bar ( I puked up the rest on a trip to Yosemite with ONick six months ago).
It felt like I was rubbing sandpaper over my ass when I went to wipe, a feeble attempt as it was as my entire body ached, I was dehydrated, dizzy, a bit angry, confused as to why I had done this but in the end I was riding a high that fucking beat autoerotic asphyxiation. . . though it might be the fumes that escaped my ass that caused me to think that way.
I stumbled to the kitchen, pounding away glasses of water in the attempt to rehydrate.
Yeah, not a good idea.
Stomach rumbles, I rush towards the bathroom with barely enough time to squat before the fury releases itself along with the solid bits of Elmers Glue I ate in kindergarten.
So now I sit tentively on my computer chair, unable to sleep.
My face still hurts. . . and the stomach still rumbles like an angry god.
Two men, born in different eras were right on. I have pushed forth on this epic journey, I write this now with the painful clarity that this experience has bestowed upon me for this is my tale.
Underneath the sink in my bathroom lies a box of epson salt, used 11 months ago to further facilitate the healing of two rather gnarled ingrown toenails and to sooth the aches and pains of being hit by a silver mini van ( Farah and Leila can vouch for such ).
Though fast forward to this evening, I was ecstatic! Giddy like a school girl. Mainly for the fact that I had just read a hilarious thread. I don't know what was going through my mind then, hind sights a painful mistress.
Six tablespoons and a liter of water later, "To easy" I said, having a flashback to bootcamp at Ft Jackson to a bunch of Privates and PFC's chugging water, they were called "Hydration formations" back then. Shotgunned it all down and cringed, "Fuck me! Tastes like shit." I jumped up and down to further speed along the process being the impatient person I am, I required instant gratification.
Yeah, I got that alright.
In twenty minutes I felt the first rumble, I was feeling a little queasy anyway. So I grabbed my book and waddled my way towards the bathroom. I thought this was going to be like any other moment in the library, I'd let loose, get a few pages done. . . wham bam thank you ma'am, maybe log onto BARF and tell Dave he's a lying asshole.
So, fucking, wrong.
It was as if a waterfall had escaped my ass, a torrential downpour of sewage saved up over the years saw the light of day once more. Even through the mind numbing pain I grabbed for the flashlight by my side as curiosity over came the searing burn ( Living in Oakland has taught me to leave a flashlight everywhere, especially in this apartment complex where the fuses have a tendency to blow out every once in awhile. )
I stared into the abyss and it winked at me.
A treasure trove of all my previous glory lay floating within the bowl as they bobbed amongst the other imps that hell graciously bestowed upon me. A Lego man from the second grade I ate on a dare, a partially digested doggie treat from when I was six, the remnants of Balut and finally the last pieces of a Snickers bar ( I puked up the rest on a trip to Yosemite with ONick six months ago).
It felt like I was rubbing sandpaper over my ass when I went to wipe, a feeble attempt as it was as my entire body ached, I was dehydrated, dizzy, a bit angry, confused as to why I had done this but in the end I was riding a high that fucking beat autoerotic asphyxiation. . . though it might be the fumes that escaped my ass that caused me to think that way.
I stumbled to the kitchen, pounding away glasses of water in the attempt to rehydrate.
Yeah, not a good idea.
Stomach rumbles, I rush towards the bathroom with barely enough time to squat before the fury releases itself along with the solid bits of Elmers Glue I ate in kindergarten.
So now I sit tentively on my computer chair, unable to sleep.
My face still hurts. . . and the stomach still rumbles like an angry god.
Cycle61
What the shit is this...
You win this round. But tomorrow is another night.
Gragorin
Your local Trauma Nurse..
Epsom Salts? Pffft... See if you can get some GoLytely... 
I'm KIDDING though as that stuff is the biggest misnomer every invented as I've seen what it does to patients. If you want to know what it's like to spend the next 8 hours pissing out your ass, try some...
I'm KIDDING though as that stuff is the biggest misnomer every invented as I've seen what it does to patients. If you want to know what it's like to spend the next 8 hours pissing out your ass, try some...
Squidly McSmearstain
Well-known member
What I want to know is, do epsom salts improve your vocabulary and enhance your ability to communicate through the written word.
Two people ingest epsom salts and write like Hemingway in describing the effects.
Does Feanor indulge in epsom salts?
This thread definitely delivers, but raises more questions than it answers.
Two people ingest epsom salts and write like Hemingway in describing the effects.
Does Feanor indulge in epsom salts?
This thread definitely delivers, but raises more questions than it answers.
While cleaning out you ass, you gain some mental clarity.. hence the poetic literature. I've been told...after the epsom salts..you can meditate.