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What is bullying? Are you a bully?

GAJ said:
Classic bully on BARF and he was allowed to continue because, hell, I have no idea.

He always went for the personal attack, never mind that he didn't know most of those he was attacking in any way.
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Good thing about Lou, he’d only attack if you were being a chowderhead


I was on the receiving end a few times. Was more entertaining than upsetting
 
Holeshot said:
That was a good exchange in that thread to memorialize what "gang-ups" or as this thread is titled; bullying of another member by a group of members. IMD; bullying on a forum is the gang-up of a (regular) group of members against an individual member. One person can fit the traditional "bully" definition, but they really don't have any effect/ power. The group does and that's where the imbalance creates a "bullied" dynamic. The many-to-one relationship defines the term. The cherry tends to be the same voices doing this over different sub-forums. In this case it's KSP and KS. As always, political alignments/ supports almost always hold strong through political and nonpolitical forums. This was the case, again, in the Mental Health thread. When one consider's who was being "attacked", it was a bit disheartening given the amount of personal info the poster has shared with us, despite how it was shared. IMO, of course.



Is there a requirement that people accept feedback, though? Is the feedback mandated to be accepted and it it's not, is the gang-up the accepted response? Are members allowed to be wrong, convicted, confused, resistant, slow to accept, etc.? I mean, consider every single counter steering thread we've had...I agree some conversations aren't always objective to some members...but to others, they are objective.

People's brains operate differently and because of that, we all communicate a bit differently. We process and then communicate in our way, which actually favors reading one's post (or posts) several times and asking yourself "what are they trying to communicate and to whom"? BARF tends to operate like all forums; fast paced and response posted which gives little time for pensive considerations. I get that. But then, we should all understand that probative questions are a better response than assumptions followed with a Bic lighter and can of WD-40. FWIW, I fall victim to fast response mistake over and over too.
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Actions have consequences. When you double down on undesired behavior after it's pointed out to you, don't come playing the victim. An apology, or simply withdrawing when you are the center of the firestorm, is the wiser choice. Do I love a pile-on? Not really. Do I think some people need to drink a giant cup of STFU? Yes, I do. I choose not to engage with people here all the time. It's really easy. The only person I can control is myself. I can offer a suggestion or make a direct request that someone stop. They're the only ones with the power to follow through. I'm not here to coddle bad behavior. When I have fucked up, I got banned. Plain and simple.
 
two wheel tramp said:
Actions have consequences. When you double down on undesired behavior after it's pointed out to you, don't come playing the victim. An apology, or simply withdrawing when you are the center of the firestorm, is the wiser choice. Do I love a pile-on? Not really. Do I think some people need to drink a giant cup of STFU? Yes, I do. I choose not to engage with people here all the time. It's really easy. The only person I can control is myself. I can offer a suggestion or make a direct request that someone stop. They're the only ones with the power to follow through. I'm not here to coddle bad behavior. When I have fucked up, I got banned. Plain and simple.
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now hush up, calm down, and channel up your sugar and spice honey.
 
if your view point is very unpopular you're either very right or very wrong. If you're very right you can quietly withdraw knowing you did your best to elucidate your point; if you're very wrong you'll probably keep screaming at the clouds.
 
Holeshot said:
This was the case, again, in the Mental Health thread. When one consider's who was being "attacked", it was a bit disheartening given the amount of personal info the poster has shared with us, despite how it was shared. IMO, of course.
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Don't worry... I'm okay. :thumbup
 
ThumperX said:
Lately it seems members are accused of bullying when disagreements become heated.
Is it bullying to correct someone when he/she has an opinion that when fact checked proves to be wrong?
Is it bullying when a member is corrected by multiple members for quoting absolute incorrect information? This applies to all content not political.
Is it bullying for members to be required to tolerate racist, homophobic, misogynistic, religious or any other rhetoric?
At what point do members throw up their hands and walk away?

This is serious not a bitchfest.
It would be good to finally get this clarified.
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great question, well posed.

‘bully’ gets thrown around a lot, and i’ve never cared much for the word. it seems to gloss over - or maybe oversimplify, what ends up looking like underlying issues. usually makes me wonder - what’s really going on? this is going to sound much more offensive than it is meant, but for me, it brings to mind an injured animal. get close, and you’re likely to get bit. fight back, and the situation escalates quickly. i guess what i’m trying to say, is that often it looks like self protection in the form of aggression to me. no clue what the solution is, but tearing each other apart is definitely not it. it would be awesome to give some thought to what brought us here in the first place - community. and each and every one of us is responsible for making (keeping) it a community worth participating in. we all have demons. it would be helpful if we could all check the destructive ones at the door. please.
 
can bullies be ignored?
specially on BARF? Have the moderates send a warning notice then begin with consequences if he does not follow the directives.
 
what are the consequences?
engage in conversation regarding posts, add a warning and then if said behavior continues begin the week ban and then continue to add more time to the ban.
 
this is the internet. why is everyone so surprised. We have had it for available to nearly everyone for over 20 years. Have you not all gotten yet used to simply ignore the stuff you read :D
I draw the line at rules of conduct being breached for whatever platform/forum i'm in. If i think that has happened, report it to mods. If they run the platform responsibly that usually works. (e.g. personal attacks, threats of violence, excessive spam etc). Everything else is fair game imo, I'm here voluntarily and as long as I can get something useful out of it vs the shit I need to skip past then I stay. Forums can get out of hand an become a shitpost fest at which point i feel moderators have failed. But this clearly doesn't appear to be the case here.
 
Maybe another question is why do some people like to argue?

There’s an adrenaline/dopamine rush that is triggered which is thrilling.

There may be a need to assert power and control to boost a fragile ego, or due to feelings of insecurity, or to project a sense of superiority.

Some people take ANY disagreement personally instead of intellectually triggering a defensive response emotionally.

Arguing can also be a way to gain attention by provoking a reaction, or release frustration from pent up stress.
 
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Consider this option
“You are ignoring content by this member. Show ignored content”
Simple
PaulR
 
If berto started a counter-steering thread and I immediately posted that even though I had never ridden a motorcycle, I believed counter-steering was a myth and instead new riders should just lean and steer in the direction they wanted to go; and then many many very experienced riders point out that that is incorrect and I didn't have the knowledge base needed to post about counter-steering but I continued to offer shitty advice and even if berto asked politely for me not to post and I ignored him and continued to post about "just lean, man. it'll work out in the corners..." and then the owner of the site asked me to stop posting and I still refused but then mention that yes, maybe I did ride a motorcycle a long time ago but I still don't think counter-steering is needed...


...would y'all be defending my right to shit on his thread?

berto, would you be defending my right to shit on your thread?
 
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