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What is bullying? Are you a bully?

I listened to an NPR story about a guy who years later wanted to make reparations with one whom had felt bullied by him in grade school. The story involved a dog which the one hurt had reacted to in a frightful way (ran away) and was then disparaged publicly to the classmates by this guy. This childhood instance was unearthed by the castigator many years later online. And he was trying to make things right. Since bullies seem less often to see/feel/acknowledge the effect of their behavior at the time, perhaps flipping the question to : have you been bullied? would be interesting.
 
easy wind said:
I listened to an NPR story about a guy who years later wanted to make reparations with one whom had felt bullied by him in grade school. The story involved a dog which the one hurt had reacted to in a frightful way (ran away) and was then disparaged publicly to the classmates by this guy. This childhood instance was unearthed by the castigator many years later online. And he was trying to make things right. Since bullies seem less often to see/feel/acknowledge the effect of their behavior at the time, perhaps flipping the question to : have you been bullied? would be interesting.
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Over a lifetime, there's been a variety of efforts. Some physical, some verbal, some passive-agressive in nature.

I've been very resistant since a wee boy.

And I am intolerant of bullyish behavior when I view it.
 
I bullied a kid on our soccer team when I was a teenager. He was a shitty player with a passive aggressive personality. I threw his cleats up into a tree among other things. I ran into him at a high school reunion years later and apologized. I dunno, it seemed to make things worse.

I once bullied a useless apprentice at work and made him cry. (Fucker came to work drunk all the time.) There was a female pipefitter on the job who had a black belt in Taekwondo. She threatened to beat me up if I didn't lay up on the guy. I thought it was kinda funny but took the threat seriously.

Now I keep my mouth shut when people bug me. I'm old and don't wanna get my ass kicked. Plus there's nothing to gain be giving people a hard time.
 
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I was, by definition, a bully once for a few seconds...

But she drew blood...And ruined my new work shirt...
Which I had just put on...
Because I was getting ready to go to work...

I lightly "corrected" her...
She didn't bleed...
And none of her clothes were ruined.
So...there's that...

Also...We were still a couple after said exchange...

Also also...But not for very long, especially after her butch sister was informed...
Of my digression...
That's the wrong word, but just go with it.

Other than 2 other times in my life...
I was jumped by multiple aggressors...in jail
Or knocked down by a guy who was really upset with me...
Truth be told...His actions were justified...

I have escaped physical violence in my life...
Unbelievable, right?

Getting the belt from your Dad doesn't count, right?

:teeth
 
ThumperX said:
Lately it seems members are accused of bullying when disagreements become heated.
Is it bullying to correct someone when he/she has an opinion that when fact checked proves to be wrong?
Is it bullying when a member is corrected by multiple members for quoting absolute incorrect information? This applies to all content not political.
Is it bullying for members to be required to tolerate racist, homophobic, misogynistic, religious or any other rhetoric?
At what point do members throw up their hands and walk away?

This is serious not a bitchfest.
It would be good to finally get this clarified.
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I had this conversation with someone this morning...
She says that anger can sometimes be good...If used correctly
I vehemently disagreed.
Anger is violence directed inward/at yourself/at others/towards groups...et cetera
Anger is unproductive...Anger is a negative...In my beautiful world of positives

It's hard for me to get angry "If I Don't Care"...
About your feelings/my feelings/their feelings/feelings, in general...
Also...Just not caring gives me an out...
I can just turn around and walk away.
Also also...Yes, it's true...I have no friends/family/anyone who gives a fuck what I think or do...

If I don't have any expectations...I'm rarely disappointed.

But...Ler...If someone is wrong...I'll gently try to educate them on said subject...
If they are open to other opinions/facts/the truth...
If they're not open to change/grow/learn...

My time is valuable...fuck 'em

Common sense cannot be taught...
You either have it...Or...
We're prolly not friends.

:teeth

racist, homophobic, misogynistic, religious or any other rhetoric...
Black vs white in the simplest term...I recognize yellow vs. white...jew vs. German...Cat vs. dogs...et cetera
A gay hater...
A girl hater...
A god hater?
Rhetoric is the art of effective and persuasive speaking or writing...
Effective and persuasive are good things...right?
Well...maybe not persuasive...everytime.
 
Anger is NOT good when debating a topic. I can’t hear your point if you’re yelling at me.
The problem is everyone reacts differently.
A passionate spirited discussion can be energizing and entertaining for some but to others it comes off as harsh and hateful.

That explains why some love the polisink and others abhor it.
Personally a heated debate raises my blood pressure and I don’t need that.
I want peace and tranquility in my life. Spirituality is high on my list these days.
Angry arguing people can “stay over there”.
 
Now apply that to the old testament / jewish bible. :laughing
 
Jewish?

They aren't even a race...
Come on...
You can do better than that...

:teeth

I mean...

Jewish people are an ethnoreligious group and nation tracing their origins to the ancient Israelites of the Middle East.
Their identity encompasses a shared religion (Judaism), ancestry, history, and culture.
The global Jewish population is approximately 15.2 million, with the largest communities residing in the United States (Mostly in New York AND Hollywood) and Israel.

"Ethnoreligious"...What does that even mean?

Edit:
An ethnoreligious group is a community whose members share a common cultural, ancestral, and ethnic identity alongside a distinct religious background.
In these groups, religion and ethnicity are inextricably linked, with faith often viewed as a foundational pillar of their ethnic heritage rather than just a personal belief system.

Ethnic identity...Ethnic cleansing...Ethnic (fill in the blank)
They're all related...To each other...Lots of begatting in the Old Test...Cousin, sister, whatever...
If you truly believe it...Adam & Eve...Or Adam and Steve...whatever works...right?
Also...Then...As the story goes, Noah and whomever was around, right?
Also also...Were there mosquitos on The Ark?
Who's bright idea was that?

Please don't get me started...
Talked to two of those guys from Utah today...Latter Day Saints, right?
Interesting talk...
 
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Blankpage said:
BS, bullying is more about intent than how the person on the receiving end reacts
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So if Joe Dickhead has had a few and decides he is going to take Mike Tyson down a motherfucking notch, and J.D. then promptly gets knocked the fuck out in less than 5 seconds, Joe has bullied Mike Tyson? Don't be absurd.
 
Most of the bullying on BARF comes from dogpiling. The support system of the dominant group is what encourages others to join while suppressing dissenting voices. The balance of a good forum is good decorum in communication to the best once can manage. IMO.
 
Yes but if you're the subversive voice of cruelty calling for good decorum here, but then let's say that somewhere else in your life you have a raging hardon for absolutely grotesque decorum from some of the loudest voices possible from the majority, then you'd just be a hypocritical pos liar trying to make unfettered room to poison people here with your social cancer. You'd be like a villain hiding behind a superhero mask, cowardly so.
 
Eldritch said:
So if Joe Dickhead has had a few and decides he is going to take Mike Tyson down a motherfucking notch, and J.D. then promptly gets knocked the fuck out in less than 5 seconds, Joe has bullied Mike Tyson? Don't be absurd.
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I know you setup an absurdly extreme example to make your point, but "acting like a bully" doesn't necessarily mean you are going to win the fight.
 
Eldritch said:
So if Joe Dickhead has had a few and decides he is going to take Mike Tyson down a motherfucking notch, and J.D. then promptly gets knocked the fuck out in less than 5 seconds, Joe has bullied Mike Tyson? Don't be absurd.
Click to expand...

A futile attempt with predictably poor outcome doesn’t change the intent
 
A bully is a coward at heart.
They don't like to suffer from their actions, they like their victims to not be able to strike back either physically or in the medium used for communication.
Bullying can come from greater personal advantage or as part of a group.
It is defined by intent, bullies feel pleasure from their actions of victimizing others.
 
As one of the smaller kids growing up, I was rarely bullied by individuals. Instead it was several people, in groups. The times there were fights, they were with one person. As is the case with these things; coping skills learned become strengths as an adult. Many people are uncomfortable/ afraid to stand alone in a public setting and won't show up for public events as a loner, much less step in to stop what is obvious harassment. People actually defend the dogpiles with some sort of twisted "but they're saying the wrong things" logic. They're still fighting the "truth" battles, when the real damage being done is to actual people at the other end of the keyboard who read multiple attacks from multiple other members with ne'er a helping hand from the opposition. Yes, there's a mix of decorum based posts to the individual along with classless ones, but to me, the message and theme is the same: get in line. A free exchange of ideas is the battle cry, but the reality is swatting down ideas, beliefs, and "fact sets" we don't agree with. I've done my fair share of that over the years too. The dogpile stuff is aggressive, with intent, but not unique to BARF. In fact, it's just a mirror of what we see daily on the rest of the internet.

I watched a video this am on a controversial historical event we went through recently. It's amazing how much the meter on "truth" was adjusted; a sobering reminder that the facts we believe may be corrected later...and someone else has it right, and we do not. Humanity has operated as such for its entire history.

Time to go ride a bike....
 
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